Legend of Zelda High School: The Three Days of Swag
by DekuMaskScreamer
Summary: Have you ever like totally wondered what would happen if Link went to a high school? I don't but here you go. My friend and I were really high when we wrote this [8].


Legend of Zelda High School

On a dusky day at around 6pm Link was walking to school. He went to midnight school which is totes normal okay. His hair was a beautiful spilt of brown and blonde. He was emo like that. After his mother ripped out his vocal cords, he was having a hard time at his school so he was sent to this spooky night school. The moon was smiling extra big today. Link enjoyed drinking it's tears. When he reached school on his swagboard 3000 he noticed a stalker in the bushes. He walked over as he saw a sexy 35 year old elf groping his flavor saver aka his goatee. "HI MY NAME IS TINGLE MY FATHER IS ASHAMED OF MY BODY AND MY ASPERGERS." Link responded by saying "AHhhhhh." Tingle shoved a map of his testacles towards Link. "20 RUPEES PLEASEEEEEEE." Link walked into the school feeling safe knowing he met a trustworthy friend in the bushes. In the hallways everyone was really short as fuck. This giant hand came rushing him the halls and it was totes annoying because it kept taking him to the enterance. He quickly shimmied across the wall to get to his first class, yoloism. When he walked in his teacher quickly walked over seductly to Link and massaged him by the shoulders and said "We have a new student don't we class." He grabbed Link's crotch and started licking his neck. "I AM LORD GHIRAHIM HEAR ME ROAR. GO SIT AT TABLE 394." Link was seduced by his sexy ass teacher and sat at the table with three other students. The first one was a 45 year old man with a box that kept going "dun dun dun dun dun dun dun". This man kept talking about how he murdered a dog so HE could be the leader. Link liked the way he smelled. The next person table looked a lot like him but younger and toonier. His eyebrows were on his head it was super fucking weird. Link didn't like him, he didn't smell good. The second person was a 145 year old man who sneakly grabbed his hand and whispered "It's dangerous alone take this." As he guided his hand towards his crotch. Link was so happy he was making a friend he started crying. This made the Teacher Lord Ghirihim very happy as he came over and started licking them off. Link was loving all the male attention he was getting. He wrote on his binder very proudly, "I love penis."

The next day at school a new gurl arrived. Her name was Zelda but everyone called Princess Hottypants, especially the creepy purple thing in the corner named Vaati-chan. She sat next to Link and said "HELLO YOUNG HERO, I am a female, do you show intrest?" Link turned to her and felt something coming out of his throat. He hadn't been able to speak in centuries but at this moment he was so flabbergasted that a sound was from his lips. He opened his mouth as wide a deku sprout and screamed, "EXCUSEEEEEEEE MEEEEEE PRINCESSSSSSS." He then proceeded to pass out as talking made him dizzy. He went into a dream state. A red boat with beautiful eyelashes kept laughing at him as he drowned, the boat kept screaming "NOT UNLESS ITS GUCCI." Link was terrified and begged for the old man's assiantance. He soon awoke with all the class surronding h. Link started crying because he saw the most beautiful man he's ever seen in his life. A tall mothefucker with red hair and a slight flip in the front named Goose Brah was flipping him off. He liked a man with spunk. As his teacher Lord Ghirahim taught him he began licking Groose Goose's neck. It felt like spiders. The purple kid vaati or vatti or purple fuck as I will call him started gyrorating on the nurses table. The teacher Lord Gingerbread started spitting juices at him, (not in the sexual you perve he was drinkin some nice apple juice.) Everyone called them the juice crew fuckers. It became the first ever student teacher relationship at the school. They later married and had a kid named Snufkin who married his father. BACK TO THE STORY. Link walked to the cafeteria. He didn't know where to sit but he saw two nice people with an open seat in the back. One was a 10 year old boy with a rainbow mask of mystery on his face. The other was a 35 year old man that had a big backpack on. Link sat next to them and asked their names by saying "AHHHHHHH". Them being incredibly intelligent knew what he was saying and rubbed his knee. "My name is motherfucking Skullkid you bitch ass motherfucker. I am in the slytherin house." Link turned towards the 35 year old man who said "My Christian name is Jesus Yahweh God but people call me the Happy Mask Sellsman." They continued to talk until lunch ended about the wonderful hobby of ripping people's skin off and wearing it as a mask. Link tried on the Deku mask and his ego maximized by over 9000. His scream as he tried it on made his butt clench.

On his way back to class he saw a zombie with bright brown skin. He was so enchanted by the skin that he couldn't move for 3 seconds. The zombie, who's name is Redead you racist, started hugging Link and gyrorating on his spine. He became Link's best friend.

His next class was Shrekologly. He sat next to a sexy young pig named Ganon. They became lovers. The teachers in this class were named Navi and Fi. They were always super high so nobody did anything in this class except listen to them yelling, "HEY LISTEN YOU ARE IN 69% DANGER". It was super hawt and everyone smelled like posies. On Links voyage home he turned into a wolf and pranced off into the land of Hyrulie.

On the third day his mom gave him a swagarific ocarina so he didn't have to wolf his was to school. He played the lovely tune of epona's ass. It went like dundundudndudndudndudndundudndudndundun. When he arrived he saw everyone naked, he was so happy to see everyone's penis! But because it was the third day the moon crashed into the planet and everyone died. With Link's last breath he muttered, "Excuse me, you fucking moon."

THE END


End file.
